Cheers! To Death and Stuff!

by | Oct 27, 2017 | Thailand | 7 comments

I just shared a bottle of wine with a German guy and a Spanish girl and it was the best and I just want to say that TRAVELING IS SO GREAT and PEOPLE ARE SO GREAT and I WISH YOU WERE ALL HERE TO SHARE A BOTTLE OF WINE WITH ME IN THAILAND because a) that would just be fun and b) a bottle of wine in Thailand costs like $30, even the shitty stuff, and it would be great to split the bill.

For the record, I’m aware that this is probably technically (most definitely) a drunk post, because a half a bottle of wine is a lot for me. And probably I’ll regret this tomorrow (especially the grammar, sorry Mrs. Muhl) but also I DON’T CARE because sometimes you just gotta say what the wine (and your gut) (and the German guy) drunkspires you to say.

Which is this:

If you’re not experiencing the world – if you’re sitting in your stupid apartment with your stuff and your job and your security, and if you actually have the freedom to FUCKING GO SOMEWHERE…


You’re scared? We’re all scared. That’s what makes us grow, get over it.

Broke? I’m broke too. That’s a mindset. You can survive (and have a completely kickass life) on way, way less than you think.

Committed? Right, so there are real commitments, and, in general, people should honor them. I get that. But nothing is permanent, and nothing is mandatory. Nothing. Your job will survive without you for a couple of weeks (or a month or a year, or even forever). Your kids will thank you for giving them an interesting – not just comfortable – life. Maybe you’re serving multiple life sentences for some horrible crimes you committed… (I don’t really know what to say about that one, maybe I’m not talking to you so much.)

But the rest of you… No matter what you think, and trust me I’ve been there…

The universe is gonna keep on truckin’, no matter the big, insane, beautiful risks you take to bring wonder and curiosity and fascinating, amazing shit into your life.

Like the time me and Neil happened upon this business one random day in Bangkok:

(I know, riiiight????)

Because here’s the big secret that everyone’s just pretending they don’t know about:


You actually are. And not too long from now. And so is everyone else you know. Your friends and your kids and your parents and spouses and all the people you’ve ever met. That company you work for, and your car, and your house, and even the big beautiful cosmic turd of a home we think of as a permanent fixture. All of that, and all of you, and me too – we are all going to be a big pile of dust, real friggin’ soon.

And lest you think I’m saying this lightly, I’M NOT SAYING THIS LIGHTLY. I’m saying this with all the reverence and weight and urgency in my dusty, temporary soul. Because I honestly believe that one of the great things about life is that there’s a cap on it, which forces us to value that shit, and do something with it.

So stop worrying about all the stupid little stuff that’s also going to be dust.

Take the people you care about and rally them around you… ask them what they want; figure out what you want; make a plan to live that life, because nothing, NOTHING is worth being miserable and bored and then dead with just a big stupid pile of dust to show off to your so-very-not-impressed-because-they’re-also-dead friends.

Make your time on this beautiful turd worth it.

It is our responsibility as humans, and especially – I really mean this – as Americans, if that’s what you are… those of us in the world who have an actual, real, tangible choice in these things.

Because a lot of people don’t – you know that, right?

We – the people who have a choice – we MUST. NOT. take our privilege for granted.

If you’re unhappy, STOP IT.

Stop being unhappy.

Make a freaking change. Go to Thailand and have wine with a German guy and a Spanish girl and ask them all the questions you might want to ask a person who’s different than you. Learn everything you can about them and yourself and the world, and how much you love people and wine, even the shitty stuff, and how $30 for a couple of hours like that is totally worth it – even if you don’t split the bill.

A thousand puppies will live forever if you share this post, I totally swear.

A random assortment of other crap you might be interested in reading…

This might be the grossest story you’ve ever heard

This might be the grossest story you’ve ever heard

I’m back in Bangkok, finally, after 32 hours of traveling, at least 3 of which were spent in various bathrooms trying to dig a piece of plastic out of my vagina. WELCOME BACK, Y'ALL! This isn’t how this trip was supposed to start, obviously… me, explaining to a...

A thousand puppies will live forever if you share this post, I totally swear.


  1. Tim

    Oh fuck yeah! And you know what else would be really awesome? If Alex Baldwin was there. Drinking wine and prophesizing and shit. That would be rad. It would kind of be like when you’re a kid and your favorite athlete comes to your school one day. You’re like “holy shit I love that guy!” And then you’re stoked for the next month and you all you want for Christmas is his jersey. And then you go to a game, and it’s as exciting as going to Thailand when your older. And it’s all good.
    But then you die.

    • Kelly

      ALEC. It’s ALEC, Tim.


      • Kelly

        And listen, if Alec Baldwin showed up in Thailand and drank a bottle of wine with me, I’d be perfectly happy to die immediately afterward.

  2. Sherry Yates

    I feel,much the same, but for me it took cancer, glad your trip was shorter and healthier to happiness.

    • Kelly Claus

      Hats off to you, lady. I’m definitely a lucky one.

      • Kelly Claus

        Although you’re making me rethink my slurpee/street-meat consumption….

  3. Jenn

    Kelly I LOVE it!!!!! I’ve been saying that for years!!! I actually a young girl all of 23 that before she settles into a real teaching job to go teach in Japan or any other foreign country. Just go do! Love that you are doing!


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