Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

by Kelly | Aug 11, 2016 | Texas | 5 comments

If you’re following me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I’m in Texas right now. If you’re not following me, I will pause while you go do that. Because a) I need lots of attention on social media to make me feel good about myself, and b)...

Regarding Chodes

by Kelly | Jun 30, 2016 | Random Crap | 12 comments

So I was very near publishing a new post about accidental testicle consumption, but then my new friend Julian commented on one of my old posts and I felt like you might all benefit from a response to his question…….. ————...

Lessons from a Butt Hose.

by Kelly | Jun 28, 2016 | Thailand | 2 comments

So as most of you know, my last post was this really angry rant about Orlando, which (maybe some of you know) was followed by a couple of healthy* debates about gun control on my facebook page. *I’m saying “healthy” because I don’t want to offend or alienate...

Health Update / Final Wishes

by Kelly | May 26, 2016 | Australia | 8 comments

I wanted to keep you all informed about the many ailments I’ve contracted in the past week or so. I know you’ve been worried since my last post, which you can read here. Status: First of all, I won’t keep you in suspense…I’m still...

Oops on forgetting to make a will before I left…

by Kelly | May 19, 2016 | Australia | 6 comments

I’m staying in the dirtiest hostel on the planet right now. I’m not even exaggerating, y’all – this morning I went to wash my socks in the bathroom and there was an onion in the sink. I was already fairly certain I’d contracted TB after I...

I totally suck at this.

by Kelly | Feb 24, 2016 | New Zealand | 6 comments

I hate to go all Negative Nancy, but there’s really no other way to paint this picture. In the first 24 hours of my trip, I eff’d up pretty much everything that could be eff’d up. Eff-up #1: Left my drivers license in New York. Eff-up #2: Misread my...

All I Want for My Birthday Is…

by Kelly | Aug 30, 2014 | Europe | 2 comments

I’m not gonna talk about my birthday like it’s some big deal – it’s not. And the truth is, I spent most of the day in this bathroom trying to go Number Two (it was Day 4, and things were getting serious). So it didn’t really feel like much of a birthday, to be honest....

No, Czech Republic, You Cannot Have My Uterus

by Kelly | Aug 25, 2014 | Europe | 4 comments

Have you ever watched Blades of Glory in Czech? I have. It’s pretty life changing. I mean, I could end this blog right now – that’s how good it is to watch this movie in Czech. Know what else is life changing? A hotel room with a TV in it. And your own big bed with no...

HAAAAAALLSTAAAAAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!!

by Kelly | Aug 21, 2014 | Europe | 5 comments

Everything sucks. Look: WHAT THE F*CK. I rented this awesome place for the next 5 days: And I was gonna do this: And sit out here: But nope. I get this: (Did you know this existed, by the way? It’s TEN HOURS LONG!) …The rain would be cool if I was cuddled...

You Don’t Wanna Go In There (Slovakian Train Edition)

by Kelly | Aug 20, 2014 | Europe | 4 comments

Disclaimer: If you’ve ever wanted to make out with me, you might not want to read this post. 9:00pm, Tuesday. I am currently (and by that I mean yesterday, when I actually wrote this) sitting on a train, somewhere in Slovenia* – a train which has been JUST...