Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

by Kelly | Aug 11, 2016 | Texas | 5 comments

If you’re following me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I’m in Texas right now. If you’re not following me, I will pause while you go do that. Because a) I need lots of attention on social media to make me feel good about myself, and b)...

Bugs and Orgasms: A Tale of Compromise

by Kelly | Jul 27, 2016 | Thailand | 5 comments

So you guys remember that time I was in Germany and I ate a tomato? Well, I’m about to top it. Are you ready? I KNOW, THIS SHIT IS CRAZY, RIGHT? It was stuck in the middle of this awesome eggs benedict I got for breakfast, and (I can’t believe I’m about to say this)...

Hey Thanks, Edith.

by Kelly | Apr 28, 2016 | New Zealand | 3 comments

In every hostel, there’s a freebie shelf in the kitchen where people leave the stuff they don’t want anymore. Sounds cool, but mostly it’s just a collection of greasy saltshakers and vegemite. No one has ever left a hunk of cheese or a bottle of olive oil on the...

Krakow: The Sh*t

by Kelly | Sep 22, 2014 | Europe | 0 comments

I’ve written like 30 versions of this post. They all start with “I effing loved Krakow, I’m probably moving there, real sorry parents/boss/plants” and then they deteriorate into some made-up story about a juggler throwing his underwear at an accordion...

Prague: A Series of F*ckups

by Kelly | Aug 17, 2014 | Europe | 10 comments

Let me first say that Prague is awesome. But my first experience with it was a little nutty. I actually don’t want to relay what happened there – it’s not that interesting, to be honest. But it was weird and I’d like to un-remember a chunk of it....

I Accidentally Climbed a Mountain the Other Day.

by Kelly | Aug 15, 2014 | Europe | 10 comments

There is a huge hole in the ass of my pajamas. Don’t know how long it’s been there, but I realized it the other morning at breakfast. And by that, I mean, in front of at least 20 Germans who were also eating their breakfast. They kept smiling at me, and I thought,...

I JUST ATE A TOMATO

by Kelly | Aug 11, 2014 | Europe | 10 comments

I know, you can’t believe it, right? I hardly can either. Now if you’re not my mom or my sisters, maybe it’s not clear that this is a big deal, but THIS IS A BIG FREAKING DEAL. I understand that the rest of the world thinks that tomatoes are awesome. To me, they’re...

Bruges: Maybe-Not-So-Bad-After-All

by Kelly | Aug 8, 2014 | Europe | 5 comments

Note: None of this makes any sense unless you’ve ready my previous post. Which can be found here: Bruges: Shithole. ———– So, Bruges. I ended up having a nice time, and have learned to shut my dumb mouth before making such bold statements...

Amsterdam, y’all

by Kelly | Aug 2, 2014 | Europe | 1 comment

I slept till 2pm today. The hacking girls I slept near in the Heathrow airport have clearly infected me and now I’m known in my hostel as the old-lady-who-blows-her-nose-all-the-time. Also, my backpack weights 1,000 pounds. Seriously, it’s so heavy....