I totally suck at this.

by | Feb 24, 2016 | New Zealand | 6 comments

I hate to go all Negative Nancy, but there’s really no other way to paint this picture. In the first 24 hours of my trip, I eff’d up pretty much everything that could be eff’d up.

Eff-up #1: Left my drivers license in New York.

Eff-up #2: Misread my arrival date so booked everything for the wrong day.

Eff-up #3: Didn’t know I needed an Australian Visa for a 10-hour layover…


Eff-up #4: Forgot I needed a place to sleep THE FIRST NIGHT I ARRIVED.

Eff-up #5: Packed twice the amount of stuff I can actually carry.


I haven’t even made out with anyone yet, you guys. (!!!!!)

Yesterday I got on a 3-hour ferry from Wellington to Picton, checked my enormous fucking backpack because they MAKE you, and – because I was so frazzled that I showed up for the ship on the wrong date – I just threw my bag at them and ran onto the boat, completely forgetting all the important stuff I would need for the journey.


Water: $6. Dramamine: $10. A freaking pen: $4. Also I had to pony up a $10 idiot-fee to change my ticket.

AAAAND I forgot that boats make people make out with each other, and it made me all sad about being there by myself, which I swore I was not going to do.


In a blog, all of this sounds like a series of charming mishaps, but THIS IS MY LIFE, PEOPLE. I am GOOD at things. I do not forget pens and dates and the effects of boats on libidos.

Also I have no job and very little money, and I cannot afford to be paying for crap I already have, and that now I’m literally gonna throw away since I can’t carry any of it.

I’ve been planning this trip for like ever. How in the crap did I not understand my arrival date?


I’m telling myself it’s the Southern Hemisphere. Toilets run backward here – maybe the same is true for brains. (Logic.)


I promised Harry I would be bright-side-y about all of this, so I suppose I should recount the good things.

Good thing #1: New Zealand is gorgeous.


Good thing #2: I made a new friend Alex who is French and hilarious and a worse packer than me*.

*Out of respect for her I did not take a picture of her horrible packing job, although we both agreed it was hilariously bad.

Good thing #3: She and I walked around Wellington and drank coffee and watched people doing wacky things.


Good thing #4: I ate a full plate of vegetables yesterday, and I’ve pooped at least once a day since I left New York.

*Out of respect for you, I will not post a picture of that either,but you should understand this is a huge deal for me.

Good thing #5: Magically, I have avoided jet lag altogether.

…And then on Sunday, I arrived at a complete paradise…


…which I will recount in detail once my pride recovers from the string of fuck-ups above.

And once I’ve found someone to make out with.

A thousand puppies will live forever if you share this post, I totally swear.

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  1. jim elisha

    kelly hope it gets better i know it will you are in fucking new zealand.I will pray for you to be safe.

  2. Ben Blozan

    I comment, therefore I am…reading your blog. So far, it’s not disappointing. ?

  3. HB

    $10 for Dramamine?! smfh Post your paypal link so we can chip in!

  4. Jenn

    Let me know if you need anything if you are up in Auckland I have a great friend up there.

  5. Santa (Dad)

    I can kind of give you a pass on the f-up about the wrong date. It is still confusing me even just sitting here in the library in McKinney. I guess you will be updating your blog when you get back to Picton from your leisurely stroll (4 day hike ). At least you had someone getting your backpack to each night’s camp, so you didn’t have to tote it all that way.

    • Kelly

      6-day hike, Dad. And I carried my bag the whoooooole way. Your daughter is a beast.


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