Everything sucks. Look:

WHAT THE F*CK.

I rented this awesome place for the next 5 days:

And I was gonna do this:

And sit out here:

But nope. I get this:

(Did you know this existed, by the way? It’s TEN HOURS LONG!)

…The rain would be cool if I was cuddled up with someone, but I’m ALOOOONE, WAAAAAAAAH! Nothing’s worse than rain sounds when you’re alone.

YES, PEOPLE, I’m whining about being single. I’m getting older and that’s what you do.

(In case you didn’t catch it, that bit about getting older was a hint: my birthday’s in a week. August 28. I’m turning 27. Or 35. One of the two, can’t remember. You can send presents here: http://www.fattoriabassetto.com/. This is where I’ll be from September 2-5. Yes, Mom, I realize I just gave the entire internet my exact location for four days. I’m pretty sure the people who want to kill me aren’t going to fly to Italy to do it. Plus there are no strangers reading this, remember? Only friends.)

—————

Update: It only rained for a little bit today, in the morning, so I took a bike from my B&B (actually I stole it from this other lady staying there, oops)…

It looks like a nice bike, but it was kind of a problem because at home I ride a LADY bike and this is a DUDE bike. With this one, you have to kick your leg around the back to get on, and I kept forgetting and trying to daintily lift my leg through the middle and I looked like a jackass in front of a bunch of Austrians who know how to get on a bike. Also the bike didn’t do hills real well, and I’m in the mountains where there are lots of hills, so I looked like a double jackass, huffing and panting, and going like 2 miles an hour until I gave up and walked it up the damn hill(s). I fucking hated this bike.

Anyways, I stole it from the lady and went out to look at some mountains.

H.O.O.O.O.O.L.Y.  S.H.I.T.

IT IS F*******CKING BEAUTIFUL HERE Y’ALL.

And then this stuff:

I’m just sayin’.

Okay, I’m posting pictures, but ONLY because I proved my point about deserving to see pretty things. Plus I spent a buttload of money on this camera and am carrying around all 45 pounds of it on my back everywhere I go.

First, let me say, when I arrived here last night, it was real dark and rainy, so I couldn’t see anything. Which meant when I woke up and walked outside and saw this, I immediately crapped my pants*.

*I want to make sure everyone understands, this pants-crapping was completely unrelated to the other day’s unfortunate events, also involving crapping. This was pure, reactionary pants-crapping. Also, I didn’t actually crap my pants. (I’m a lady.)

Here’s what I saw:

AND THAT’S JUST THE DRIVEWAY.

Yeah, no bigs. Just the neighborhood, what?

I DON’T EVEN UNDERSTAND THIS.

I sat on that bench for like an hour and just stared my face off. I mean, look how craggy these rocks are!!!!!!

After a while I thought I might be going blind, so I sat on a dock thing in the middle of the lake and drank a cappuccino and cross stitched for a while.

I know, that’s super nerdy, but I love it. It gives my eyes a break from all that big stuff, AND allows me to start up conversations with old ladies on busses. You think I’m kidding, but it happens a lot. I met one in Krakow who gave me this apple because she was so happy to see a “young person” doing an “old lady” thing. She was speaking Polish, so I don’t know if that’s exactly what she said, but I’m pretty sure it was something close to that.

The apple was mealy and gross, in case you’re wondering. But I still ate it out of respect for the old lady.

Back to Hallstatt.

Right now, I’m sitting here, writing this post:

I KNOW.