Bruge: Shithole

by | Aug 5, 2014 | Europe | 4 comments

Bruges kinda sucks. I recognize that’s not very polite, but I doubt any of you are particularly attached to it, and I haven’t noticed any Bruggians reading my blog, so I’m gonna stand by it. Bruges sucks. (Also, nobody let Janet read this post – she told me to go here and I don’t want to hurt her feelings.)

Thing is, I’m positive Bruges was an adorable city at one point. Today, though, it is full. of. fucking. tourists. They’re everywhere you look. YES, I’m aware that I’m also a tourist, but I don’t count and I’ll tell you why later. The good news is that I’ve heard almost NO English since I’ve been here. This means they’re not American tourists, which makes me feel like a little less of an asshole.

There is a long street in this town – the street INTO the town, in fact – your first introduction to Bruges – and it is completely dominated by American companies. Zara, The Body Shop, TOMMY HILLFIGER!?!?! The only consolation was that the Subway appears to have gone out of business (muuahaha).


There ARE some awesome things about Bruges. First of all, they spell it like six different ways, which is just fun. You can go to Bruges, or Brugges, or Brugge… And you’re going to the same place! I’m going to start doing that with my name.

Other notable awesome Bruggian things:

Pretty rooftops:


Windy streets: (as in winding, not blow-blow-thou-winter)

Shoe scraper things:

Creepy doorknockers:

This little garden:

Brie is €2!

This funny dog thing:

Okay, the buildings are kinda cool:

(just noticed that that these exact buildings are painted on that funny dog thing – Bruges, you are slowly redeeming yourself…)

They put funny things on their windows:

Doors, doors, doors:
(this is for you, Bits)

Chocolate:

Tandem bikes:
(okay, I only saw one of these, but it’s awesome, and it makes the list)

This tiny dog:

My hostel (sleeping pods!):

I mean, okay, to be fair, I did have a pretty good day in Bruges. This is getting long though, so new post on that later…

For now, I’ll leave you with this shitty thing about Bruges, just to prove my original point:

Before I left this morning, I filled up my water bottle from the tap in my hostel. A took a swig of it a bit later, and it tasted mysteriously poop-like. I probably have dysentery now. Which may be a good thing, actually, as I’m on an every-other-day poop cycle and I could use a little help.

A thousand puppies will live forever if you share this post, I totally swear.

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I go home today. WHAT AM I GONNA DO, Y'ALL?!? How am I going to live in my one little room and sit at my office and do all these normal things every day!? HOW am I not going to eat that insane cheese I ate yesterday, or not bike through adorable, windy streets, or not...

A thousand puppies will live forever if you share this post, I totally swear.

4 Comments

  1. Kimberly Claus

    Those chocolates are adorable! But, the puppy is even cuter! Dogs make all shitty days better, I think!

    Reply
  2. Danielle Bolton

    Am I the only one who noticed that the cute little chocolates are all boobs, butts and penises?

    Reply
  3. Kimberly Claus

    NOPE…I totally noticed. How could you not? My comment was meant to have a bit of snark to it. I did have to point it out to Dad (in his defense, he was looking at them on Mom’s phone and not a computer screen).

    Reply
  4. Rosalyn Nash

    You’re making Bruges look pretty dope in these pics. Oh and Zara is from Spain, btw….:)

    Reply

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