Author: Kelly
Fingers Crossed I Still Have a Face Tomorrow

Fingers Crossed I Still Have a Face Tomorrow

Got woken up at 6am this morning by a man hacking the shit out of a tree, a woman screaming at him in Vietnamese, and these assholes: The man, I assume, was chopping wood to finish the walls of my bungalow, which he clearly forgot to do before I arrived. And I guess...
Cheers! To Death and Stuff!

Cheers! To Death and Stuff!

I just shared a bottle of wine with a German guy and a Spanish girl and it was the best and I just want to say that TRAVELING IS SO GREAT and PEOPLE ARE SO GREAT and I WISH YOU WERE ALL HERE TO SHARE A BOTTLE OF WINE WITH ME IN THAILAND because a) that would just be...
Maybe if we’d had onesies…

Maybe if we’d had onesies…

When you’re drawing on a 15-year-old’s wall, you have to be careful to not draw any penises. It’s harder to do than you’d think. Anytime I’m drawing on a wall, there is always a penis involved, because that shit is hilarious. (I’m also very, very good at...
Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

If you’re following me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I’m in Texas right now. If you’re not following me, I will pause while you go do that. Because a) I need lots of attention on social media to make me feel good about myself, and b)...
Bugs and Orgasms: A Tale of Compromise

Bugs and Orgasms: A Tale of Compromise

So you guys remember that time I was in Germany and I ate a tomato? Well, I’m about to top it. Are you ready? I KNOW, THIS SHIT IS CRAZY, RIGHT? It was stuck in the middle of this awesome eggs benedict I got for breakfast, and (I can’t believe I’m about to say this)...
Regarding Chodes

Regarding Chodes

So I was very near publishing a new post about accidental testicle consumption, but then my new friend Julian commented on one of my old posts and I felt like you might all benefit from a response to his question…….. ————...
Lessons from a Butt Hose.

Lessons from a Butt Hose.

So as most of you know, my last post was this really angry rant about Orlando, which (maybe some of you know) was followed by a couple of healthy* debates about gun control on my facebook page. *I’m saying “healthy” because I don’t want to offend or alienate...