Fingers Crossed I Still Have a Face Tomorrow
Got woken up at 6am this morning by a man hacking the shit out of a tree, a woman screaming at him in Vietnamese, and these assholes: The man, I assume, was chopping wood to finish the walls of my bungalow, which he clearly forgot to do before I arrived. And I guess...
Things I want to say to that couple I hung out with for a few weeks in Thailand
Hey, Laura* and Mason* who I met in Thailand and hung out with for a while. *I changed your names even though your real names are very close to these fake names and also I tagged you on facebook when I posted this. And included a photo of you. Here are the things I...
Loi Krathong and My Friend Neil: The Worst and Also Sortof The Best
WARNING: DO NOT SCROLL DOWN TO SEE HOW LONG THIS POST IS. IT'S KINDA LONG, I'M NOT GONNA LIE, BUT I SWEAR IT'S (PROBABLY) TOTALLY WORTH IT, AND IF YOU SCROLL DOWN, YOU'LL RUIN EVERYTHING AND HAVE BAD KARMA FOREVER (I'M GUESSING) (WHY RISK IT) (PLEASE JUST DO WHAT I...
Cheers! To Death and Stuff!
I just shared a bottle of wine with a German guy and a Spanish girl and it was the best and I just want to say that TRAVELING IS SO GREAT and PEOPLE ARE SO GREAT and I WISH YOU WERE ALL HERE TO SHARE A BOTTLE OF WINE WITH ME IN THAILAND because a) that would just be...
This might be the grossest story you’ve ever heard
I’m back in Bangkok, finally, after 32 hours of traveling, at least 3 of which were spent in various bathrooms trying to dig a piece of plastic out of my vagina. WELCOME BACK, Y'ALL! This isn’t how this trip was supposed to start, obviously… me, explaining to a...
Maybe if we’d had onesies…
When you’re drawing on a 15-year-old’s wall, you have to be careful to not draw any penises. It’s harder to do than you'd think. Anytime I’m drawing on a wall, there is always a penis involved, because that shit is hilarious. (I'm also very, very good at drawing...
Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit
If you're following me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I'm in Texas right now. If you're not following me, I will pause while you go do that. Because a) I need lots of attention on social media to make me feel good about myself, and b) just fucking do it,...
Bugs and Orgasms: A Tale of Compromise
So you guys remember that time I was in Germany and I ate a tomato? Well, I’m about to top it. Are you ready? I KNOW, THIS SHIT IS CRAZY, RIGHT? It was stuck in the middle of this awesome eggs benedict I got for breakfast, and (I can’t believe I’m about to say this)...
Regarding Chodes
So I was very near publishing a new post about accidental testicle consumption, but then my new friend Julian commented on one of my old posts and I felt like you might all benefit from a response to his question........ ------------ Apparently there’s some...
Lessons from a Butt Hose.
So as most of you know, my last post was this really angry rant about Orlando, which (maybe some of you know) was followed by a couple of healthy* debates about gun control on my facebook page. *I’m saying “healthy” because I don’t want to offend or alienate...
Let’s Not Give Up Anymore.
I’ve been traveling for four months now. I haven’t seen all of the world – so far, just a few small pockets – but I have met tons and tons of people, most of whom are not Americans. I've learned so much about how we are perceived in the world. It's been...
