Tag: poop
Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

Butter My Butt and Call Me a Biscuit

If you’re following me on Facebook or Instagram, you know I’m in Texas right now. If you’re not following me, I will pause while you go do that. Because a) I need lots of attention on social media to make me feel good about myself, and b) just...
Regarding Chodes

Regarding Chodes

So I was very near publishing a new post about accidental testicle consumption, but then my new friend Julian commented on one of my old posts and I felt like you might all benefit from a response to his question…….. ———— Apparently...
Lessons from a Butt Hose.

Lessons from a Butt Hose.

So as most of you know, my last post was this really angry rant about Orlando, which (maybe some of you know) was followed by a couple of healthy* debates about gun control on my facebook page. *I’m saying “healthy” because I don’t want to offend or alienate those...
Health Update / Final Wishes

Health Update / Final Wishes

I wanted to keep you all informed about the many ailments I’ve contracted in the past week or so. I know you’ve been worried since my last post, which you can read here. Status: First of all, I won’t keep you in suspense…I’m still alive....
I totally suck at this.

I totally suck at this.

I hate to go all Negative Nancy, but there’s really no other way to paint this picture. In the first 24 hours of my trip, I eff’d up pretty much everything that could be eff’d up. Eff-up #1: Left my drivers license in New York. Eff-up #2: Misread my...
All I Want for My Birthday Is…

All I Want for My Birthday Is…

I’m not gonna talk about my birthday like it’s some big deal – it’s not. And the truth is, I spent most of the day in this bathroom trying to go Number Two (it was Day 4, and things were getting serious). So it didn’t really feel like much of a birthday, to be honest....
No, Czech Republic, You Cannot Have My Uterus

No, Czech Republic, You Cannot Have My Uterus

Have you ever watched Blades of Glory in Czech? I have. It’s pretty life changing. I mean, I could end this blog right now – that’s how good it is to watch this movie in Czech. Know what else is life changing? A hotel room with a TV in it. And your own big bed with no...
HAAAAAALLSTAAAAAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!!

HAAAAAALLSTAAAAAAAAATTTT!!!!!!!!

Everything sucks. Look: WHAT THE F*CK. I rented this awesome place for the next 5 days: And I was gonna do this: And sit out here: But nope. I get this: (Did you know this existed, by the way? It’s TEN HOURS LONG!) …The rain would be cool if I was cuddled...