Category: New Zealand
Maybe if we’d had onesies…

Maybe if we’d had onesies…

When you’re drawing on a 15-year-old’s wall, you have to be careful to not draw any penises. It’s harder to do than you’d think. Anytime I’m drawing on a wall, there is always a penis involved, because that shit is hilarious. (I’m also very, very good at...
YOU CAN STOP LOOKING, I FOUND IT.

YOU CAN STOP LOOKING, I FOUND IT.

You guys. I’ve found the greatest thing on the planet. For real. Wait. Maybe the second greatest thing. But it’s a close second. And it definitely wins over the slurpees at that 7-eleven by my house. So I guess on 3rd Avenue, this thing I’ve found is definitely the...
Hey Thanks, Edith.

Hey Thanks, Edith.

In every hostel, there’s a freebie shelf in the kitchen where people leave the stuff they don’t want anymore. Sounds cool, but mostly it’s just a collection of greasy saltshakers and vegemite. No one has ever left a hunk of cheese or a bottle of olive oil on the...
Another Thing I’m Terrible At

Another Thing I’m Terrible At

You guys remember how I said I wanted to stab the dog? I didn’t, you’ll be happy to know. But she did end up with blood all over her face. See I was slaughtering this chicken and after we cut the head off, the dog was trying to catch all the bits that fell on...
How to Kill a Chicken in 13 Horrifying Steps

How to Kill a Chicken in 13 Horrifying Steps

Someone told me this post was gross and that I should maybe add a disclaimer about the content. I was gonna do it, but then I realized the title is pretty disclaimer-y already. IF YOU THINK THIS IS GOING TO BE A PUPPYCAM OR SOMETHING, THEN YOUR UNDERSTANDING OF WHAT...
Gimme that knife.

Gimme that knife.

I started my period today. “Gross, why did you tell us that?” say the men. “SHUT THE FUCK UP COME HERE LET ME STAB YOU,” I say in response. I’m not joking, I want to stab everyone and everything. I want to stab that girl at T-mobile for selling me this phone that...
Recap Recap Mo Mepap

Recap Recap Mo Mepap

Okay, so I’ve been really busy doing fun stuff*, and I haven’t had time to write any of it down. Every night I lay down in my cozy little campervan and say to myself, “Write, Kelly!” and then I fall asleep because this pillow and these PJs are just too good. *I’m...
These Balls

These Balls

I’m currently listening to a band of travelers (literally, a band, that travels) decide what type* of animal costumes they’re going to wear for their gig tonight. *When I say “type,” I don’t mean “bear, pig, dog.” I mean what specific...
I totally suck at this.

I totally suck at this.

I hate to go all Negative Nancy, but there’s really no other way to paint this picture. In the first 24 hours of my trip, I eff’d up pretty much everything that could be eff’d up. Eff-up #1: Left my drivers license in New York. Eff-up #2: Misread my...

February 17: NEW. FREAKING. ZEALAND.

This is what’s happening and you freaks can’t stop me. (That said, I will not argue if you’d like to buy me lunch before I leave, xo.) A thousand puppies will live forever if you share this post, I totally swear. A thousand puppies will live forever...