Kelly is Awesome


[1/2015 updates]
[4/2016 updates]
[1/2018 updates]

Seriously. I’m super awesome. This is what I spent months [read: years] in therapy to discover [read: believe]. It totally worked, btdubbs. I’m waaay more awesome now than I used to be. [Still true.] [Horses especially like me.]

I’m also efficient [read: lazy], and since I already introduced myself, way back in Post #1, I’m just gonna re-post that shizz here. Also I’m late for work. [I don’t have a job anymore. But I haven’t eaten breakfast yet and it’s 11am.]

  • I am 34 [35] [36] [38wtf] years old, live in New York, single, no kids that I know of. Grew up in Texas. [I don’t live in New York anymore – I TRAVEL THE WORLD, BITCHES. And not really single anymore either. But sort of available. It’s complicated.] [Definitely available. HMU.]
  • I work with teenagers. Sort of. I do all the boring paperwork stuff no one else on staff likes doing, and it’s awesome and they’re all dumb for not liking it. [I miss that job a lot, but these days I’m a graphic designer because that’s way easier to do WHEN YOU’RE TRAVELING THE WORLD, BITCHES. If you’d like to hire me, you can do that here.] [Recently people have started paying me to write things, which is wonderful but also totally baffling.]
  • I have a terrible and completely rational fear of corn, peas, blueberries, and any other small things that pop in your mouth. [I forgot about mussels. Those are gross too.] [And bell peppers.] [I’m aware bell peppers don’t pop in your mouth, go away.]
  • I actually AM going to Amsterdam next week. And then a bunch of other places. [I backpacked Europe for a few weeks this past summer, and I started writing this blog because my mom was convinced I’d be sold into sex slavery (as a 34-year-old, yeah right) and I thought regular updates would assuage her fears.] [I don’t even think my Mom reads this blog.] [She definitely doesn’t.] 

Not sure why you’d want to contact me after reading all that, but if you do, here’s my email address: heythere [at] kellyclauscreative [dot] com

Or you can just stalk me on Instagram: @nostrangersisay (<——-that’s where I post all my nudie pictures, fyi)

Want some creepy emails from me?

I don't even know why this is a question.

Sweet. Check your email, dood.

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